My Life As a Deku
by Black Pegasus
Summary: Link is just a *tad* irritated when he's turned into a Deku Scrub and told he has three days to save the world. Watch and laugh as he struggles to figure out what the heck he's supposed to do. With special guest appearances of the Evil Puppy of Doom.


A/n: This is my frist Zelda fic, and it's not very good... I swear there are better ones coming!!   
  
Disclaimer: whoa I actually need one of these?! Ok, then... *deep breath* ahem... I do not own Zelda. ... *looks around* How was that?  
  
  
MY LIFE AS A DEKU  
by Black Pegasus (YES I'm a Zelda author now!! *dances*)  
  
"Ho, ho, ho..."  
  
Link ran away from the scary mask man as fast as his scrawny Deku legs could carry him. Once outside the tower, however, he managed to calm down -- with the fresh air, the bright sunshine, the happy townspeople, and the overall cheery atmosphere, he could only stay upset and angry if he tried. And he did try. Very, very hard.  
  
"AAARGH!"  
  
A little glowing fairy popped out of his hat, a miniature towel wrapped around her unseen hair. She bobbed up and down in front of his face in a rage.  
  
"WHAT'S THE BIG IDEA!? All that running and jumping and now SCREAMING? I have to get my beauty sleep! Realizing your friend and your brother have DITCHED you and now you're stuck with a DEKU-KID takes a lot out of you!"  
  
"Who really cares? I have THREE days to save the WORLD! The freakin' WORLD! The whole enchilada! The--"  
  
"Grr... ARF ARF!" A little white terrier growled and ran after Link like he was an oversized, living chew toy.  
  
"Tatl! Get it away from me!" He dashed away and tried to avoid the vicious puppy.  
  
The fairy watched and laughed. When she realized Deku-boy was running away and leaving her, she quickly flew after him, and they both ended up in North Clock Town. She flew in Link's face again -- she would give him a piece of HER mind.  
  
"What's up with you?! Running away from that mask guy and then the puppy and THEN ditching me?! What's up with THAT?!"  
  
"Tatl, stop it."  
  
"What's your problem, anyway? I think you fell into those bottomless holes about sixty times before you figured out you couldn't jump them! And WHY did you keep attacking that little tree?"  
  
"Stop it!"  
  
"What a retard!"  
  
"STOP IT!"  
  
"I mean, SERIOUSLY! You would think by the twelfth time NOTHING happened, ya might figure out it wasn't working!"  
  
"AAH! SHUT UP!" He jumped up. grabbed the fairy and chucked her like a brightly glowing baseball. She flew through the air, right at a big purple balloon.  
  
"OUTTA THE WAAAAAAAAAY!" Tatl shouted, but the balloon did not respond, and the fairy flew right through it, bursting it in the process. The impact slowed her enough to gain control and fly back to Link. She had it in her head to give him a piece of her mind, but decided against it. A kid with a red hat ran over.  
  
"Hey, Link, he's even shorter than YOU!" Tatl laughed.  
  
"Shut up or I'll throw you at something that *won't* break," Link growled.  
  
"Hey did YOU pop that balloon? That was a nice shot," the kid said.  
  
"It was, wasn't it?"  
  
Four more kids, except with blue hats, ran over. "Do ya wanna join the Bombers?" red-hat kid continued. "Well you'll have to find the five of us by sunrise. Got it? Good luck!" All five of the kids mysteriously disappeared.  
  
"WHOO! Hide and seek!! I LOVE hide and seek!" Link exclaimed, dancing around. Tatl pulled out a rolled newspaper and whacked him on the head.  
  
"HEY! Three days, remember?"  
  
Link froze. "Tatl... never, EVER say that word again."  
  
"Which one? Hey? Hey hey hey hey hey heyheyheyheyheyheyheyheyheyheyheyheyheyhey..."  
  
"Stop it!"  
  
"HEYHEYHEYHEYHEYHEYHEYHEYHEYHEYHEYHEYHEYHEYHEYHEY--"  
  
"AARGH!" Link did his best to cover his Dekuish ears and ran away until he crashed into someone and fell down.  
  
"Aw, you found me!" the person he'd crashed into, one of the Bomber kids with a blue hat, said and sat down.  
  
"I did? I mean... I DID!"  
  
"Great, only four brats left," Tatl said. "HUT-TWO! Let's get a move-on!!"  
  
"Okay, okay," Link grumbled and dashed east. There he found another kid on top of an overhang. Link spotted a Deku flower and dove in, popping out a few seconds later and using flower petals like helicopter blades. He glided toward the overhang, and the kid poised himself at the edge.  
  
"Goddesses, is he going to jump?" Link gasped as he neared the overhang. The kid crouched slightly.  
  
"DON'T DO IT! IT'S NOT WORTH IT!" Link yelled, landing on the overhang. The kid leaped.  
  
"NOOOOOO! HE *JUMPED*!" Link ran to the edge and looked down, but he didn't see splattered child guts on the ground.  
  
"HEY!" Tatl yelled behind him.  
  
"AAH!" Link yelped and jumped in surprise, and right off the edge of the overhang. Fortunately, something broke his fall. "Oof!"  
  
"Aw... you... found me..." the kid choked out from underneath Link's wooden behind. Link jumped up and pulled the kid to his feet, hugging him.  
  
"You're ALIVE!"  
  
The kid just screamed and ran away.  
  
Link frowned as much as he could with a wooden face and muttered, "Some people..."  
  
"Let's go, let's go... look, there's another one up there," Tatl said, gesturing up toward a platform above the milk bar. Link grumbled and ran around the building, climbing the ramp on the other side. Just as he came up behind the kid, he jumped down.  
  
"Not again!" Link moaned. He took a breath, closed his eyes, and leaped. "AAH!" He landed on his feet on the ground. When he peeled his eyes open, the kid was standing not far in front of him. He blew Link a raspberry and started running.  
  
"That little..." Link growled and waddled after him.  
  
And they're off! Bombers kid gets a head start, but the Deku Scrub is slowly catching up. And the kid rounds the pole once... twice... three times, and the Deku falls down dizzy... but he's up again! And the kid is still in the lead as they run up the steps and around the final turn... the Deku is gaining once more, and it looks as if the kid is going to jump... but what's this? The Deku makes a flying leap...  
  
(Slow motion) "Nooooooooo!" Link tackled the kid, bringing him to the ground before he could jump off the ledge again.  
  
"Oof! Uh... you've found me." He disappeared.  
  
NIGHT OF THE FIRST DAY: 60 HOURS REMAIN  
  
"WHOO! Go me, go me, oh yeah!" Link danced around after he'd recovered from his flying tackle.  
  
"Come ON, you have twelve hours 'til sunrise to find two more kids. Let's GO!" Tatl insisted.  
  
"I'm READY!" Link kept shouting Spongebob-style as he ran past the Stock Pot Inn and into South Clock Town. He kept running, dodging construction workers and the Evil Puppy of Doom, straight into West Clock Town. He ran up the steps and made short work of the kid there.  
  
"BOO!"  
  
"Aw, you found me," the kid said, totally unsurprised, and disappeared. Link pouted.  
  
"That was no fun."  
  
"Hey, how'd you know he was here?" Tatl wondered.  
  
"I read an online FAQ," Link replied with a smug grin. "No hero should go without a good internet connection!"  
  
"Cheater..." Tatl grumbled as they ran/flew back to North Clock Town.  
  
"Four down, one to go... come out, come out, wherever you are... hey, a slide!" Link ran up the slide, but just as he reached the top, he sild back down. This happened repeatedly.  
  
"Oh, give it up," Tatl, who had taken out a book to read, grumbled after a while.  
  
"I... will... never... surrender!" Link gasped as he struggled up the slide. Then, with one last lunge, he reached the top. Slowly he stood up and raised his short wooden arms in the air triumphantly. "I... WIN!" With that, he fell backward off the platform...  
  
... and right onto Jim, the kid with the red hat.  
  
"Aw, you found me..."  
  
"... Dur..."  
  
When Link regained his senses (somewhat), the Bombers gave him a number, apparently some sort of code, but said he couldn't be a Bomber because he was a Deku.  
  
"Racist pigs..." Link grumbled.  
  
DAWN OF THE SECOND DAY: 48 HOURS REMAIN  
  
"Two days left! What do we DO?!" Link was starting to freak out (again) as he and Tatl wandered aimlessly around Clock Town. The fairy shrugged.  
  
"What about that number? What is it for?"  
  
"I don't know, maybe it's the address of Jim's monkey uncle?" Link suggested sarcastically. Tatl laughed.  
  
"Or some code to get into some sort of secret, psychedelic hideout!" They both laughed, until Link stumbled over a really short kid.  
  
"You can't get in here unless you know the code," the kid said boredly. Link was slightly confused until he saw the passage.  
  
"Does the code happen to be..." Link said the number that the kids had told him.  
  
"Yeah... that's it. You know the code, you must be a member, right?" He moved from the passage. "Oh yeah, um, Bombers' Secret Society of Justice forever!"  
  
"Yeah, sure," Link grumbled and ran down the ramp. Once down, he found himself in a dark, damp sewer. Slightly off to the right was a passageway with small platforms resting in water. Link figured he could jump to one of the platforms, so he tried. He was wrong.  
  
"AAAH!"  
  
But instead of sinking into the water, he bounced off it and landed on the platform.  
  
"COOL!" Link exclaimed and hopped across the water to the far platform, which was actually another passage leading left. Deku boy ran down the passage until he heard an eerily familiar scritch-scratch sound. A few seconds later a skultula dropped down on top of him.  
  
"Stupid spidery thing! DIE!" He shot a bubble into the monster's exposed belly and it did just that. "Thank you," he muttered and ran into the next room. In this room was a ladder up to another passage, but a giant purple balloon was blocking it.  
  
"I know how to pop those!" Link said and grabbed Tatl, preparing to throw.  
  
"Hold it!" the fairy choked out. "Why don't you just use that bubble trick on it, like you did on the skultula?"  
  
"Because this is so much more fun," Link explained and let loose. Tatl flew screaming at the balloon, which popped on impact. Link marvelled at his perfect aim, then climbed the ladder and ran through the passage, a very dazed Tatl not far behind.  
  
The pair ended up in a dazzlingly colored room. There were crates and other strange things under a spiraling staircase. Among these things was a scarecrow.  
  
"Hey, baby!" the scarecrow exclaimed, wiggling in its little square space. Link jumped with a yelp. The thing not only talked, it moved! Then he remembered the two odd scarecrows at Lake Hylia. He shuddered.  
  
"Hey, baby," the scarecrow continued, "we can forget time and dance until night! Whaddaya say?"  
  
"Uhhh..."  
  
"OKAY!" The scarecrow started "dancing," and Link and Tatl just kind of stared, rather confused, for what seemed like an hour, but was only four. When the scarecrow was finished, it seemed as if the world outside had gotten much darker. The scarecrow bowed. "Thank you, thank you, I'm here 'til Friday." Which was a lie, because it (he?) immediately burrowed into his little dirt box.  
  
NIGHT OF THE SECOND DAY: 36 HOURS REMAIN  
  
Once Link and Tatl snapped out of it, they went to examine the other stuff there. One of them was a Cucco in a cage. Tatl examined it for a moment, then spoke to it.  
  
"Though thy crest be shorn and shaven, thou art no craven, Ghastly grim and ancient Raven wandering from the nightly shore -- Tell me what thy lordly name is on the Night's Plutonian Shore!"  
  
Quoth the Cucco, "Nevermore."  
  
Link blinked.  
  
Tatl blinked.  
  
The Cucco blinked.  
  
The Mayor of Clock Town blinked.  
  
Cremia, milking her cow, blinked.  
  
The cow blinked.  
  
Goht, though frozen in ice, blinked.  
  
Japas looked up from his bass and blinked.  
  
Skull Kid blinked.  
  
The moon blinked.  
  
"A DAY AND A HALF TO SAVE THE WORLD!" Link exclaimed and ran screaming up the stairs, Tatl following. They froze when they reached the top -- the code HAD gotten them into some sort of psychedelic hideout! Link walked into an old, hunched over man, who, not really noticing the Deku boy's rudeness, immediately asked if he wanted to look into the telescope.  
  
"Um... sure..." Link said and looked into the eyepiece. After gazing around at a beautiful nighttime vista of Termina Field and the Clock Town wall, he focused the telescope on a little wiggling thing on top of the Clock Tower. To Link's utter rage, it was...  
  
A GIANT DANCING SLAB OF CHEESE!  
  
Haha, you thought I was going to say Skull Kid, didn'tcha? Didn'tcha?! Well, you were right.  
  
At the top of the tower, shaking his butt at the telescope, was Skull Kid.  
  
"Hey you! Give me my stuff back!" Link yelled, even though Skull Kid couldn't hear him. Tatl shoved Link away from the telescope and looked in herself.  
  
"Hey, there's this thing dropping from the moon," she narrated. "How odd." She looked at Link expectantly.  
  
There was silence for a few moments.  
  
"Alright, alright, let's see what it is," Link finally relented, and the pair went out the back door of the astral observatory. Link picked up the object that had mysteriously fallen from the moon only to discover it was...  
  
"A rock," Link said disappointedly. "A blue, shiny rock."  
  
"It's pretty," Tatl noted with a shrug.  
  
"Well... just so we didn't come all the way out here for nothing..." With that reasoning, he shoved the stone in a pocket and ran back into the observatory, down the stairs, past the still quite disturbed-looking Cucco, through the tunnel, down the ramp, past the skultula, through the sewer, *breath* up the ramp and back into East Clock Town.  
  
"Now what?" Link wondered. His fairy companion shrugged.  
  
The two ended up wandering around for a long time.  
  
DAWN OF THE FINAL DAY: 24 HOURS REMAIN  
  
No, longer than that.  
  
... GAME OVER  
  
Ok, not quite that long.  
  
NIGHT OF THE FINAL DAY: 12 HOURS REMAIN  
  
That's better.  
  
THANK YOU.  
  
You're welcome. Anyway --  
  
Link and Tatl wandered around for a long time, so eventually they started freaking out yet again.  
  
"What do we DO?! TWELVE HOURS!!" Tatl exclaimed, twitching.  
  
"I don't know, but that stupid dog is after me again! AAAAAAH!"  
  
Link ran around being chased by the puppy for a while before tripping and falling into a Deku flower. He sat in there a while and tried to catch his breath.  
  
"What's the big idea?!" came a squeaky voice right next to him in the dark. The owner of the voice lit a match to shed some light on the subject. Link jumped as far back as he could (which isn't much in a tiny hole in a plant).  
  
"Isn't that dangerous?" Link said, eyes locked on the quivering flame.  
  
"Not really," said the holder of the match, who, not surprisingly, was a Deku salesman. "But anyway, this is private property! I demand payment for the use of my flower!"  
  
"Ummm..." Link pulled out the shiny blue stone. "How 'bout this?"  
  
The Deku's eyes glistened with joy. He dropped the match and grabbed the stone. "My precioussss..."  
  
"Ack! Well, gotta go!" Link popped out of the flower just before it burst into flames. He rested high in the air a moment before he began to hear the menacing bark of the Evil Puppy of Doom. Thinking quick, he glided onto a platform where the dog couldn't reach him. He stuck his tongue out at the slightly disgruntled terrier.  
  
"NYAH! Let's see you get me now, puppy! Stupid dog! I oughta -- EEP!"  
  
There was a great rumbling as the clock on the tower began to strike midnight. Spectacular fireworks blazed in the sky, and with great booming thuds, the door to the top of the Clock Tower fell open. Link stared in awe.  
  
"Don't just stand there gaping, let's go!" Tatl said and gave Link a starting push toward the steps. He ran up quickly.  
  
"Well if it isn't the Deku boy?" said a voice. Link looked up to see the giant dancing slab of ch-- I mean, Skull Kid hovering above him... and holding his ocarina! "Are you here to stop the moon? Well if it's something that can be stopped, then stop it!" The moon started falling all the faster.  
  
"Oh, Goddesses, we need more time! MORE TIME!" Tatl shouted, helpless. However, for once, Link kept his head. He took a deep breath, aimed carefully, and concentrated...  
  
A bubble went flying toward Skull Kid.  
  
"AAARGH!" he screamed as it splattered on him, the ocarina clattering to the ground. Link dove on the little instrument, and as soon as he picked it up, memories started flooding back to him. Memories of Princess Zelda, teaching him the song... what song? ... The Sogn of Time... yes, that was it... it was all coming back...  
  
"Snap out of it! We've only got five minutes! DO something!!" Tatl exclaimed desperately. Link still remained calm. He took out the ocarina... wait, pipes?  
  
Skull Kid gasped. "That instrument!"  
  
But it was too late for Skull Kid to do anything -- the haunting melody of the Song of Time was already pouring out of the wooden pipes, their slightly twanging sound echoing around the tower and across the very fabric of Time itself...  
  
DAWN OF THE FIRST DAY: 72 HOURS REMAIN  
  
Link stepped out of the Clock Tower and breathed in the fresh air, a befuddled expression on his wooden Deku face. "What happened?"  
  
"Look!" Tatl exclaimed and pointed up to the sky. The moon was high up in the sky, no longer mere feet from the earth.  
  
Link jumped excitedly. "We've gone back three days! We've got all the time in the world now!"  
  
"Hey, didn't that guy say he would turn you back if you retrieved your ocarina?" the fairy reminded him. Link's eyes widened.  
  
"Oh yeah!" He ran back into the Clock Tower and up to the scary mask man. "Change me back, I've got my ocarina!"  
  
The scary mask man taught Link a strange song, and when he played it, Link was changed back into his normal Hylian form, leaving a mask on the ground.  
  
"YES! Look at me, I'm a real boy!!" Link exclaimed, jumping up and down with joy.  
  
So endeth this chronicle. It being strictly the history of a Deku, it must stop here; the story could not go any further without becoming the history of a boy. When one--  
  
STOP BITING OFF MARK TWAIN.  
  
Shut up, you're just the time of day caps voice!  
  
WHAT?! WHY I OUTTA...  
  
[The time of day caps voice and the narrator begin to fight. Without a narrator, the story is forced to switch to script mode.]  
  
Link: [looking at the camera] How are we supposed to get them to go away?  
  
Tatl: Let me handle it. [Flies up to camera and clears throat] THE END.  
  
Caps voice: NO, THAT'S MY JOB!!  
  
THE END? 


End file.
